I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
