good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
