Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
