They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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