The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
