Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
then he tried to convert me to islam
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
