Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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