Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
