she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this boner is exhausting
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
