I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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