I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
