If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
