i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
