Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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