oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
