dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
