the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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