i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My boob is missing a layer of skin
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
