I think I won the penis lottery.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize