if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
