It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish you could order shots online.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
