her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
