Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
