i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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