My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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