How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
