I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
