my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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