You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
