he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
