i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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