Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
