I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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