At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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