If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
