And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
