It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
