He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
