Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
