There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
