I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
