I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
