god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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