I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
