too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize