Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
