cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
