you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize