I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
