He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
