I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
