Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
