They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
