no, he came in my armpit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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