Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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