am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
