This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
