I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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