just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
