I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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