do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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