you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
