You just made me feel so damn special
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize