Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
did you just send me my own nude
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
