WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
