I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
