What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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