So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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