so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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