come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
