you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
