Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
